Monthly Archives: December 2010

I Am Angry

Thursday December 30th 2010 If I look back I can see so much of me being angry and not in such obvious ways. It’s not like I went around shouting and being openly aggressive, it’s more subtle. Well, I think … Continue reading

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“I Am Safe.”

Wednesday December 29th 2010. “I am safe.” “No you’re not!” “All is well and I am safe.” “No you’re not!” An inner voice just will not agree. It doesn’t matter how often I repeat this affirmation the “safe” bit just … Continue reading

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Uncertainties

Physically, I feel a lot better. Went out today to see the world for the first time for ages. Heavy snow everywhere, some sun, soft light in the sky. These are the longest nights this week. Dark soon after 4pm, … Continue reading

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Some basic info on cancer that I didn’t know

December 18th 2010 This is from Barbara, an experienced medical professional. Thanks B. Straight from your overseas font of medical info!  Cancer cells divide and multiply much quicker than normal cells, so they suck up the chemo quicker and then … Continue reading

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Very Tired Today

December 17th 2010 Very tired but maintaining input and output. Food in one end and out the other. A big improvement on the first week which is a ghastly blur in my memory. Will write more soon.

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Another poem

December 17th 2010 Sitting silently A question arises I allow myself to ask it. An answer comes! Gentle and loving. Then another question, “Is this just another part of my mind answering?” “It’s all One,” is the answer. “All one … Continue reading

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Lanky 2

December 16th 2010 At ARI again (As We Patients Say), the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary to the uninitiated.  Last time I was here, we didn’t know any of the tongue-twisting drug names now rolling freely from our mouths: Dexomethasone (steroid, don’t … Continue reading

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A Right Royal Pain in the Arse

December 15th 2010 This title is not a euphemism, it is literal. When I told Jane I was going to write about it, she said, “Oh no! You can’t. It’s too gruesome, too awful, too intimate.” “But it’s important,” I … Continue reading

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A Hard Week

December 11th 2010 It’s been a hard week. It’s been up and down which in a way makes it harder. Not that I want to be down all the time but to go upwards then get knocked back is very … Continue reading

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Dialogues with Cancer

Friday 10th December I had a second dialogue with the cancer in my body this morning. I have done this kind of dialogue before in when I did a hypnotherapy training. This is one of the things that I have … Continue reading

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