More changes…

Jane here – and it might only ever be me now.

Today we were told, that despite everything planned to move to the Elgin hospital, there was not an ambulance because of the strike.  Later in the morning, though,  it became obvious that even if there had been, Philip is really too ill to be moved.

My poor dear man’s body has just had enough. His kidneys are no longer working very well, nor his liver; his skin is very sensitive and yellow, and his legs have swollen up with fluid.  The lung infection has proved impossible to shift and the coughing that happens when he tries to move the gunk that is inside is incredibly painful and distressing for him.  He cannot talk much because it easily activates the coughing reflex and he tries to avoid this.

I don’t know what else to say beside these bald facts; maybe I will find a way to say some more another time. Perhaps it is enough simply to state them.

I am full of disbelief that I am even writing this post at all.

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39 Responses to More changes…

  1. Tree says:

    Accompanying you with love and tenderness. Xx

  2. Will says:

    We stand beside you. Will and Theolyn.

  3. Jenny Lewis says:

    Our hearts go out to you both. May his passing be gentle and kind.

  4. Veda says:

    Oh my dear, I’m so, so sorry. You have been an amazing and wonderful partner to our beloved Phillip from the very beginning of this long painful journey. I love you both very much. If you get a chance please let my dear brother know that I love him and I celebrate with enormous gratitude the friendship we have always known and will know again. May grace surround you both in this transition.

  5. Claire Hayes says:

    Dear darling…my heart goes out to you both….your friend, Claire

  6. Pratima says:

    Dear Jane…. aaaaaaahhhh! I wish you both peace and ease. May you be surrounded in the light of love. Dear Pradeep, old friend, my heart is with you. You have loved so well in this life, in spite of all the struggle. In whatever way I can support you both, I offer it.

  7. Gabriella says:

    Dear Jane I really feel for you both. I wish there were something I could do. You are in my heart. You’re amazing people and I wish a lot of grace and love to be with you. Love, Gabriella

  8. Kate says:

    Words feel so inadequate…may there be acceptance and gentleness for you both along with all the love you already feel. xo

  9. Deborah says:

    Thank you for simply stating, it takes such courage. There’s a wild wind accompanying you both right now, good to cry into and be carried by… loving you both with huge tenderness. xx

  10. karen says:

    I am so so sad to hear this and can’t find the right words that have not already been said. I hope the next part of this journey is calm and filled with the love that you have had and will always give to each other
    Karen xx

  11. Lindy Gibbon says:

    Surrounding you both with infinite compassion and love and healing for this part of your journey. May Philip’s passing be filled with Grace. Love and Blessings, Lindy

  12. Jon Bowen says:

    Dear Jane and Philip … I’ve been so wrapped up in my own little world I’d lost touch with what was happening to Philip, assuming everything would be going fine. I was shocked back into reality by a message from Janet. Although I’ve only met you and Philip on odd occasions and have never had the chance to get to know either of you well, my life has been touched positively by Philip (and Jane too) in ways he would never guess. Sending you feelings of warmth and love and support for Philip in his process of packing up and taking his leave.

  13. BEVERLEY says:

    How inadequate are words at a time like this. You have both been so much on my mind and in my heart. As always, I send you much love and hope this helps to some degree.

    Love, always

    Bev xxx

  14. dorota says:

    Dear Jane and Philip, your courage and transparency have been beacons for all of us reading these posts. Please know that your light has been shining ever more brightly even when things have seemed dimmer as time has passed. Joanna told me about her visit at the weekend – her face was just radiant with love for you both. All my love to you , Dorota XXX

  15. linda says:

    may the angels enfold you both with their wings and surround you with peace
    I love you both and am holding you in my heart
    you have much courage
    Linda

  16. Crispin says:

    Love from us all.
    Crispin

  17. william says:

    May you both be given strength and peace.

    Praying for you.

    Love William & Jenny

  18. Deidre Thomson says:

    Sending you both love and light as always……

    Deidre xx

  19. Jan Fairley says:

    Ah Jane heartbreaking – as my surgeon said to me- being chronically ill or being very old and failing is distressing – life can be very unkind – you are fighting the good fight with such tencity, love and spirit – there is nothing higher than this belief and the way you are both living day by day with such grace – with such integrity and fortitude and with hope always in your heart- may you be surrounded by love and energy

  20. Del says:

    My tears are blurring my typing. I love you both so much. When Philip leaves us he will just be in the next room. I hold him in peace and ask that the transition be gentle, and for you dear Jane, you are held in my heart. Delx

  21. Russell says:

    Thank you Jane for telling us what is happening. I am sorry. I do send you both all my love. Philip, my heart is with you and I so admire your courage and endurance. You are my friend and I wish for you peace and immersion in spirit.
    Jane, I send you my thoughts and support and courage and strength.

    Love
    Russell

    Love
    Russell

  22. Chris and Lenita says:

    Holding you both in our hearts

    Chris and Lenita

  23. Lynda Benham says:

    I am so very sorry Jane. You have both been so courageous for so long. I am holding you both in my heart and sending much love.
    Love
    Lynda

  24. Deborah Benham says:

    My thoughts and my heart are with you both. You know that I, everyone at Newbold, and the place itself are here for you. Sending all the love and light that I can. Debs xx

  25. Vanessa says:

    Thank you for writing this Jane, it does take real courage. You are both in my heart and always will be, tears flowing as I write this. I hope the next part of Philip’s journey is peaceful. Sending all my love to you both. xxx

  26. Joan says:

    I am so sorry and crying and feeling blessed to hear from you Jane and to be part of this village holding and being held through this. Much love Joanx

  27. Sylvia Black says:

    I will light a candle for you both every day, with a prayer for deep peace and surrender. Your/our love continues to shine no matter where you/we are, always and all ways.
    Enfolding hugs and love,
    Sylvia xxx

  28. Pam says:

    Oh Jane, I’m so saddened to read this. I know this place you are at so well, having sat with two of my loved ones as they have passed this last 18 months. I wish you both immense peace, love, support, gentleness and courage as Philip makes this transition into the light. Much love to you both, Pam xxx

  29. Sophia Hatch says:

    Such sad and hard news ..may the angels enfold and hold you both with love and with continued grace and peace…Sophia xx

  30. tom kelly says:

    you are both wonderful Jane and loved

  31. Candy says:

    Oh Jane, you are both hold so tenderly. Your courage and love has and is a true inspiration. I pray for you both, for much peace and to be held in the loving hands of all the angels that surround you. With much, much love Candy & John

  32. Camilla Armstrong says:

    “Surrender. Let silence have you. And if you find you are swimming on the surface of the ocean, let go and sink into the depths of love.” – Kar Kirpa Sahib

    Blessing to you both,

    Camilla

  33. Caroline says:

    Crying too, I send you my love Jane and Philip. What a huge circle here has gathered around you in the ethers of your blog, you great man. You put out your love. It’s pouring back.

    Carrie xxx

  34. Bernadette says:

    We hug you both warmly.We sent you courage and strength. LOVE Bernadette and Christoph

  35. Beth says:

    Echoing the other kind and loving comments. All that’s left to do is to hand over life and death to a power greater than ourselves. Big big gentle hugs for both of you. love, Beth

  36. Hafiz says:

    Wishing you both the love and strength to see this through.

  37. joanna says:

    Jane. Philip. I love you both. Love is the Answer – a shining star named by Philip, just behind Orion’ s shoulder. Go well dear friend. You and Jane are held in the circle of love you both created with your love and openness.
    Thank you for all the gifts of your journey. with love Joanna

  38. Saille says:

    May you feel the many hands both seen and unseen that are there for you both
    with love Saille

  39. Crispin & Anne-Marie says:

    Please accept our deepest sympathies. We heard the news yesterday. Our thoughts are with you Jane as you go through this difficult period of bereavement.

    Lots of love
    Crispin & Anne-Marie
    xxx

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