Things are unpredictable…

Jane here. Things didn’t go entirely to plan today, and my initial reaction is recorded here (with Philip’s permission – he has been too sleepy to post):

Oh my God. It’s 4pm on Friday 18th  November, the big ‘D’ day and they aren’t going to put the tube down!  Unbelievable. The doctor has had 2 emergencies to deal with apparently, and so of course he has run out of time. Ha.

Apparently I, and everyone else, has to learn about not being attached to a) timing of a particular event, and b) the outcome of an event.

Difficult when it is a life or death situation. But this is not the first time we have been presented with this lesson to be learnt.  Nor the first time that we have to see that we are not ‘special cases’, able to bump up the queue, or that just because we think in a certain way, that it will happen.

In fact it is the third time.  I watch in amazement after these events as I see that my mind got caught up in believing and thinking that a particular event was going to happen – the endoscopy the first time, when the actual result was that they couldn’t see anything to do it because of the amount of gunge in Philip’s stomach); it happened again last Friday afternoon when I forgot the first lesson (completely) and was given another outcome that I hadn’t imagined (the opportunity to do the procedure again); and now it has happened for a third time, and I STILL fell for it!  Amazing!  I believed that something will happen just because it was scheduled in a calendar; just because someone in authority had told me it will happen; and just because I wanted it to happen.

It’s true that this is often what does happen of course – but events conspire to interfere often enough for me to question all this.

It must be the same for outcomes too.  How do I know what the outcome of these procedures will be? It looks like there are only 2 options – get a tube down and have successful feeding, or not get a tube down and die (eventually). But how do I know that there aren’t other options that my mind has not thought of?

I don’t.

So the real truth is – I have no clue what is going to happen, or when. The only thing that is sure is what is happening right now, in the moment.  That is all. As Wayne Liquorman says, ‘What is, is’.

It’s quite funny in a weird sort of way – I just got caught again by my own ego!

The good thing is that time does not exist in the spiritual realm, and so everyone’s thoughts, prayers and love is still entirely relevant.  It’s just the mind that thinks that’s not the case…

AND – a scan was done this morning, and the initial results show that there has been no further spread of cancer (this is to be confirmed on Monday by a specialist). This is important because assuming there really is no further spread, there is a possibility of a surgeon placing a Peg feeding system directly into his intestine.  More about this at the end of Monday.

So a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has been thinking of us – it makes a huge difference.


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20 Responses to Things are unpredictable…

  1. Barbara says:

    Blimey is right! Great insights but do we ever learn! I think the “false sense of authorship” is very tricky. Plus, ever when we believe we are not in control, we think other people are, but they’re not either! What a merry-go-round! Please give P a big sloppy hug from us all here.
    PS. I don’t think it’s tube=live, no tube = die…:-). There’s still TPN too.
    And great news about the scan!

  2. joanna says:

    Jane I love you!
    And Philip patiently there in the middle of it all.
    Love him too.
    See you both soon.

  3. Tony Craze says:

    Stay there Jane. You’re doing great.
    Of course the light still blazes for Philip.

  4. Sheela says:

    Wow! What a lot of reminders and lessons.
    I am so in awe of the strength you both have.
    Thanks for posting and letting us know.
    Stay open to what is.
    Love to you both.

  5. Sara Trevelyan says:

    Just arrived back at Findhorn – read the blogs – felt badly about missing the 12 moment to hold you in the light Phillip – then read that the procedure didn’t happen today after all….quite a rollercoaster. I send light and love to you both…your spirits sound strong…may things go the way you wish them to… beaming you light, love and healing and will continue to do so in the coming days.

    Sara xxx

  6. Stacie says:

    Jane, I love how you say that our mind lets us believe there are only 2 options, “But how do I know that there aren’t other options that my mind has not thought of?” It’s such a good reminder that there are infinite options out there that our minds can’t even conceive of. It must have been so frustrating for you today, yet you manage to stay true to your spiritual values and to keep sight of a bigger picture. Thanks for your inspiration. And so many blessings to both of you – may the unimagined, positive options reveal themselves to you! With lots of love,

  7. Penny Davenport says:

    Oh Boy – all day on tenterhooks -I suppose no surprise – the NHS has its limitations, and how! The patient is a tiny cog in a very large wheel – and they do their best maybe, but there are so many other options, but you have to be fit enough to pursue another path, and one has to have their help to let you. More than 160 people waiting with baited breath! By the time it happens the light will have accumulated, and there will be even more.
    Love P x

  8. Gorgeous, Jane! I just prayed deeply again today for both of you, in Boulder, Colorado where the sun is brilliant this afternoon after a morning of wild winds. Because of the time difference I am never exactly sure that I am praying “at the right time” but how silly of me. Any time I pray is the right time! I love how prayer brings me close to people, no matter the distance. What appears on the surface to be a tragedy weaves a web of longed for intimacy, binding us together if we are open. Thank you precious Jane and precious Philip for this gift.

  9. Candy says:

    Well, well! We’ll keep the intention and light and healing flowing. It is done. Trust that the higher forces will have things actually happen at the most appropriate time for all concerned. Today was obviously just not that perfect. The feedback from those I sent the message out to has been wonderful. So many prayers from around the world. You are both held in the light so much. Love you both xxx

  10. Neena Macdonald says:

    Dear Philip and Jane,
    So many times I have “meant” to leave a message, and then not done it for some reason, but today is the day apparently! I have been following your journey since the Conscious Medicine Conference earlier this year. Thank you so much for sharing all of this; I find it inspiring and also share your frustrations etc. when things do not go to plan. The responses are inspiring too. I’m away from home just now, but got the chance to log on and the first thing I wanted to know was how you got on today. It’s great news that the cancer doesn’t seem to be spreading, but I realise this is all such a drawn out process for you with mixed blessings along the way. I think of you often and hold you in love and light.
    Love and blessings to you
    Neena xx

  11. BEVERLEY says:

    I am lost for words. Just know that I am with you both.

    Much love

    Bev xxx

  12. linda says:

    I am sorry for yet another delay I feel quite bemused that the doctor didnt also deem philip to be an emergency case also

    |Love and light to you both in abundance


  13. Maggie says:

    Be kinder and more gentle on yourself Jane, its normal to expect your loved one to be dealth with first, not ego, just a natural state of being, in my view. The loving energy we all sent would of also been of benefit to those who were in even more of a delicate state than Philip´s and I am sure they and there families are very grateful having been put before Philip.

    All is divinely timed

    Let us know when its next happening and we can shed more love and light
    in Philip´s and your direction

    blessings of peace to you both
    Warmly, Miracle Maggie

  14. jane says:

    Thank you so much everyone – of course, it is indeed all happening in perfect timing. It is just so easy to forget this when something is scheduled on ‘clock time’, as Eckhart Tolle would say. But then my challenge as a human being is to hold ‘clock time’ in one hand and ‘spirit time’ (if there is such a thing) in the other – all at the same time 🙂

  15. fabien says:

    i love you both

  16. tom kelly says:

    it is not only impressive but beautiful in the way you dare to reflect, observe and stay open. And your sense of the spirit is inspiring. Reminds of some research on the timeless impact of the spiritual realm, where they took the unexamined medical records from 20 years ago of a large number of people in a hospital with similar medical conditions. The names on the still unexamined records were split into two groups, those people from 20 years ago who would be prayed for and those who would not be prayed for. Then for a certain period people prayed for the one group and not the other. After a time, they then examined the medical records and found that those who had been prayed for 20 years later recovered more quickly or permanently than the other group. Hence, the research claimed that the realm of spirit is timeless and thus can impact things that occured in the past. love tom

  17. Stephen Liggett says:

    Hi guys,

    I was thinking about you before Taize singing on Friday. I remembered how I enjoyed singing along with Philip and how I would like to do it again.

    I decided to dedicate the Taize session on Friday to you both, I could as I was leading and everyone there agreed. We sang some songs that I know you both like. Fiez-vous en lieu, In manus tuas and I am with you that I might heal. It was very emotional and I smiled at the memory of how Philip and I always used to sing different notes at the beginning of the second line in Fiez-vous en lieu.

    Anyway, thinking of you both

    Love and light to you


  18. Samarpan says:

    Beloved Pradeep, been off the radar for a while. Continuing to send you love (and light and bliss), continuing to feel love for you in my heart. Respecting your courage. Wanted to let you know I will be a grandfather at the beginning of January. Since Jessica (Shunya) asks a lot about her birth I think of you too – do you remember you were there? May you feel the love that is always there for you. Your brother, Samarpan

  19. Janelle Combelic says:

    Dear Jane, Thank you for keeping us up to date… not only with Philip’s situation but with your own. I cannot imagine what you’re going through… except I do have a context for it from my experiences with family and friends over the years. Just know that you are not alone. Colin and I hold you both in our prayers. May the Holy Spirit enfold and embrace you. love, Janelle

  20. Josie says:

    Dear Jane and Philip, well here am I sending you love and light, as I have been doing since Friday. But what I notice as I read your blog posts about it all – is that I feel like I am receiving light and love…such is the power of the grace-full presence that you both have in the middle of this situation. It does take great courage and inner strength to be the loving witness to all this, as you are – and you are an inspiration.

    I am seeing you Philip – well, healthy, and happy.

    With immense love to you both.

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